Original Entry Date 6/30/2009: I love You, Father God. It is a true love that I feel for You…thinking about You gives me the chills. Even though my daddy is gone, You have come and replaced the sadness that I felt when he went missing. You have replaced the sadness with warmth and joy. I praise You, Lord, for reconstructing the frame of my heart. I feel Your presence each and every day. I need that…I need Your guidance as I am a blinded soul without it.
Entry Date 6/9/2021: As I sit here this morning, I think about You, God. I think about how, 12 years later, You are still reconstructing the frame of my heart. Today, in all honesty, I feel lifeless and dull. I know my thoughts are not true, those thoughts of feeling worthless, wanting to be alone but then at the same time wanting to turn to reach out to something new.
But then again, who am I, really? Will I, once again, blindly walk into a trap? Maybe it is best to be alone, so I don’t have to go through that again?
I’m exhausted, Lord, and I know the enemy of my soul is laughing at me. I know it is the same evil spirit (demon) that sets little traps in my path. I know it, and I sense it. There’s a certain sting of pain it likes to inflict on me, and when it’s successful, I can feel it smiling at me as I am in distress. I feel its presence; the air becomes dry and cold. It thinks it has won or something? But as we know, the Power of Christ Jesus and the Holy Spirit, the Spirit which resides in me, is greater than this tiny, feeble, and annoying gnat. It thinks it’s some sort of mighty dark power when it is just a gnat, lost in the dark in actuality. Lately, I have been reminding that spirit of 1 Corinthians 6:3 because, in my own personal belief, when Paul says that we will judge angels, I see it as us taking part in the judgment of these spirits or fallen angels. So I ask You, my Lord, that You will grant me and anyone else who can relate full authority and judgment over these parasites while here now and when the time comes for them to be removed.
Even though I may not feel the fullness of Joy today, I will still praise Your Holy Name!!!